Writer, playwright. Eiiri on Ao3. For my writing and art, check out @eiirisworkshop.
Is available:
as a PDF (recommended and, this link only, now updated!)
as a tumblr text post (not recommended; it’s 13,000 words)
on Ao3 (where you can read it with whatever site skin you want, fully updated)
Enjoy!
Happy fic’ing!
me tryna find out if this fool died
“The blue-ringed octopus, despite its small size, carries enough venom to kill twenty-six adult humans within minutes. Their bites are tiny and often painless, with many victims not realizing they have been envenomated until respiratory depression and paralysis start to set in.[8] No blue-ringed octopus antivenom is available yet, making it one of the deadliest reef inhabitants in the ocean.”
Holy shit
And this is why I don’t go in the ocean anymore
Also the blue rings literally only show up when it is distressed so this person has angered it!!! You are in danger friend!!!
Actually this guy keeps them as pets they’re on his instagram (william_exotique) and he frequently holds then and I just? Don’t know why? And also every picture or video he posts of them shows the blue rings so they’re always in distress I just do not understand why he’s doing this
#AMY EXPLAIN HOW DUMB THIS GUY IS
I mean OP pretty much covered it. A blue ringed octopus is almost on the level of CONE SNAIL on the list of things you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PICK UP UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
But ask and you shall receive, On this episode of “Fun Facts With Cuckoo,” DEAD. YOU’RE DEAD. EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND YOU SHOULD NEVER TOUCH ANYTHING IN THE OCEAN EVER AGAIN.
There are many things that will kill you. [citation needed]
There are fewer, but still many things that will kill you FAST.
There are yet fewer things that kill you fast and by such an overwhelming margin of overkill that nervous laughter is our only solace in the dark of this terrible, surprisingly Lovecraftian world of unearthly horrors that we live in.
Of the things that I know about which will kill you fast via just plain insultingly potent venom, which is a not insignificant number of things because I know a not insignificant number of things, there are about 3 things in the ocean – IN THE WHOLE OCEAN – which are so insanely, mind-bogglingly deadly that there is pretty much no possible hope for survival (I mean you CAN, but god help you if you’re ever in that situation, because god’s just about damn near the only thing that CAN help you). THE. WHOLE. OCEAN.
Those three things are the Irukandji (a tiny (1cm) species of box jellyfish, which has stingers not only on its tentacles but on its BELL, for reasons no one has definitively figured out, and is so toxic despite its size its sting can cause a severe brain hemorrhage), the cone snail (a group of carnivorous sea snails that is accepted to be the most venomous animals on earth, with a STUPIDLY fast acting and extremely powerful neurotoxin that has in at least one case killed a human ALMOST INSTANTANEOUSLY, because the swimmer who found two beautiful shells (unfortunately cone snails tend to have very pretty shells which makes people want to pick them up) was holding them up for a picture and ended up being stabbed in the neck by not one but TWO cone snails at the same time, and it is believed that she was literally dead before she hit the ground, I mean LITERALLY in a 100% non-fictional and non-exaggerated way, in between the time the two cone snails stabbed her and the time her limp body hit the sand, she was not alive anymore), and the blue ringed octopus.
It is POSSIBLE to survive any of these. But not without immediate medical attention. Of these three, the Irukandji is by far the most treatable, because Australia and other coastal regions (including Florida and other parts of the US) are kind of experienced in dealing with box jellyfish.
The blue ringed octopus will fucking kill you. There’s no antidote for their venom, ONE COMPONENT OF WHICH (tetrodotoxin) is 1200 times deadlier than cyanide. It’s a powerful neurotoxin (most of the worst venoms are because the species that produce them need to kill or at least paralyze their prey quickly, like jellyfish whose fragile tentacles could be damaged if their food doesn’t stop struggling) that attacks the sodium channels and causes muscle paralysis. It doesn’t necessarily kill you quickly. It PARALYZES you quickly, so that you can’t really call for help or describe the problem, and you will probably end up slowly suffocating from a paralyzed diaphragm. Tetrodotoxin can be metabolized by the body in a matter of hours, but it can also kill you in a matter of minutes if you get a lethal dose (which isn’t much, the LD50 or median lethal dose, the dose at which you have a 50% chance of survival, is only 8 MICROGRAMS per kilogram of body weight (as tested in mice)). This is, by venom standards, not a large amount, which means the animal that is capable of putting this venom inside your body is very very good at killing the absolute shit out of you.
DON’T TOUCH THE BLUE RINGED OCTOPUS.
Now, because overkill is my motto, let me briefly explain why Conus geographus is the undisputed champion of YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE, AND FURTHERMORE FUCK YOU FOR THINKING OTHERWISE.
A cone snail walks into a bar. You’d expect the bartender to ask, “what’s your poison,” but they were paralyzed before they could ask and OH LOOK they’re already FUCKING DEAD ON THE GROUND.
Conus geographus is about 4-6 inches long and nature’s equivalent of Avada Kedavra. Cone snails literally have their own KIND of toxins named after them: conotoxin. Not only is there no antidote, but their venom AGGRESSIVELY RESISTS our ability to find a cure, because we barely understand how it works AND conotoxins are so internally varied, even within a single species, that any one antidote isn’t going to help because they’re constantly mutating and evolving their venom to prevent their prey from evolving a resistance to it. Plus their venom is like, a bunch of different venoms all at once JUST IN CASE any one of them wasn’t good enough.
I want you to read these two sentences from the wiki page on conotoxin:
Remember how the LD50 of tetrodotoxin is 8μg/kg? Conotoxin is 160 times more potent. FIFTY NANOGRAMS PER KILOGRAM HAS A 50% CHANCE OF KILLING YOU. A 220-POUND HUMAN HAS A 50% CHANCE OF SURVIVAL AGAINST JUST 5 MICROGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN.
I DID SOME MATH.
IT WOULD TAKE 7-9 MILLIGRAMS OF CONOTOXIN TO KILL A BLUE WHALE, THE HEAVIEST ANIMAL TO EVER LIVE. (based on weight estimates from 300-400,000 lbs.)
Conus geographus is so fucking deadly that “In two cases of envenomation, only 0.0002-0.0005 mg resulted in severe paralysis.”
THIS THING KILLS STUFF SO HARD THAT BEFORE YOU HEAR THE FIRST “MORTAL KOMBAT” IN THE MORTAL KOMBAT THEME, THERE’S PROBABLY ALREADY BEEN A FATALITY.
And guess what? Cone snails don’t do that NOOB SHIT with the superficial biting or stinging. Your wetsuit or gloves won’t protect you. Because homeboy didn’t bring teeth to evolution’s knife fight. Oh no. It brought a motherfucking radula POISON HARPOON. It’s lightning fast and has way more piercing power than some silly little cnidocytes or salivary bacteria.
Another component of their venom is being researched for its potential as a pain reliever. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????” you might reasonably ask. And you would be right to do so, because science has gone too far and has surely sinned against the very image of Mollusca Kedavra. Well, it turns out the answer is “Research shows that certain component proteins of the venom target specific human pain receptors and can be up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine without morphine’s addictive properties and side-effects.” That’s right, the part of their venom that SPECIFICALLY DOESN’T HURT YOU is up to 10,000 times more potent than morphine.
Also, Conus geographus (along with one other cone snail species, C. tulipa) is the only known non-human animal to weaponize insulin. In addition to the normal insulin that the snails produce for their own use, their bodies manufacture an ADDITIONAL insulin molecule that is similar to the kind produced in fish (which they eat) for the sole purpose of stunning their prey through hypoglycemic shock. BECAUSE APPARENTLY THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’D KILL YOU HARD ENOUGH OTHERWISE.
IF you are going to survive the ALMIGHTY CONE SNAIL, WHO KNOWS NO FEAR, TRIUMPHANT HEDGEMON OF THE MOLECULAR ARMS RACE, TRUE BORN HEIR TO THE SCYTHE OF DEATH ITSELF, FISHSLAYER, GOD AMONG MOLLUSKS, WHOSE WRATH IS MERCIFUL ONLY IN ITS BREVITY, ADMIRABLE IN ITS BEAUTY AND UNSULLIED BY THE UNWORTHY TOUCH OF MORTAL HANDS OR SCALES OR REALLY ANYTHING IN RANGE OF ITS RADULA HARPOON, then literally the only thing that’s going to save you is for you to be kept alive artificially (externalizing your respiratory functions to force your body to continue breathing, basically) until the effects of the venom wear off. And because of how quickly this venom acts, you need to get that medical attention VERY, VERY FAST.
And if you don’t get it, you will still be conscious while the paralysis slowly suffocates you to death.
Don’t touch the pretty shells.
this is a WONDERFUL use of the medium of the tumblr post
YES.
A perfect educational rant.
Minute traces of tetrodotoxin are what makes fugu (pufferfish) sashimi such an exciting entrée. Improperly prepared fugu can be very exciting indeed, to the extent that the over-excited diner loses interest in anything else.
Like, for instance, breathing.
The end part
Can’t not reblog something this terrifyingly educational.
pls don’t let this flop
doofenshmirtz’s mental process i think
Mans was literally so respectful he never assumed every turquoise platypus he met wasn't automatically going to be the one and only turquoise platypus he's ever met 😂😂😂
I think it’s very sweet that Perry the Platypus recognized that the poor dude is effectively platypus-face-blind (and possibly colour-blind as well), cannot tell if a random platypus is or is not Perry, and is never going to assume in case it is a different platypus because that would be RUDE - and therefore carefully puts on his hat every time, so Doofenshmirtz knows who he’s talking to.
That is some prime Politeness-Between-Nemeses right there.
To be fair, the tri state area apparently has a LOT of platypuses.
Anonymous asked:
Imagine you walk in the club and you see some really quiet looking ‘I don’t wanna be here’ type sitting down drinking a coke and when they stand up and turn around they’ve got one of every color hanky (including mosquito netting) in each back pocket
inneskeeper answered:
why imagine a memory
some of my biggest insecurities only became insecurities after my mother pointed them out to me and turned my characteristics into flaws.
parents, fucking watch what you say to your kids.
I know this post is meant for women, but this.
This post is for everyone actually, no worries. Boys and other genders can definitely experience what I’m talking about in my op.
No-fault divorce is actually very recent. That is, a divorce just because you wanted to get divorced and not because they were guilty of some provable transgression. California’s no-fault divorce law was 1966; the latest US state, it was 2010. When I was in Catholic school, we were taught to believe in and promote anti-no-fault-divorce positions. This is very recent history, and you cannot take even this for granted. Stop being “edgy” about feminism and its flaws. Every movement will have some flaws. But do you not think that this, and the risk it represents, is significant to women as a class of all backgrounds?
it’s literally as simple as “if you are against no-fault divorce, you believe that men should be able to own women like property”.
Everyone- eat the rich! everyone on the Titan was a self entitled rich person (except that poor kid rip)! They shouldn’t have exploited the victims of the Titanic!
News sources everywhere-
Why do I keep seeing James Cameron all over my news (I know these are both Insider, but I have been seeing James Cameron in the news for days from several different outlets, I’m just lazy) Listen, I know he did the time and made the movie but how is he any different? Rich white guy? Profited off of the exploitation of the tragedy of the Titanic? Self entitled expert? Bleh I’m over seeing his crusty wannabe Saruman face all over my phone. Go back to the Avatar movies and think about what you’ve done.
Image descriptions- two news articles, one titled “James Cameron estimates he’s spent more time with the Titanic than the ship’s actual captain after 33 voyages to the wreckage” and “The Titan sub was likely trying to surface and the passengers probably knew the hull was starting to crack before it imploded, James Cameron says.”
A news article titled James Cameron on Titanic Submarine Loss: “Struck by the Similarity of the Titanic Disaster Itself” and a lovely hands rubbing meme with the text “James Cameron eyeballing the opportunity he never thought would come: Titanic 2”
...I'm writing this under the assumption that you don't know any better, because hoo boy is this a bad take
James Cameron legitimately numbers among the small handful of people most qualified to talk about the Titan disaster. The reason why is because being a filmmaker is almost a side project compared to his very real contributions to submersible design, oceanography, and undersea exploration. Cameron has spent decades in the field of undersea science and submarine engineering. He co-designed a submersible called Deepsea Challenger which he personally took to the Challenger Deep, the lowest point of the Marianas Trench and the lowest point on Earth, alone; the first and to date only person to have ever done so solo. His hyperfixation is not the Titanic, it's submersible engineering and undersea exploration in general.
Here's him being presented the Nierenberg Prize (for contributions to oceanography) in 2013:
Note that in the above interview he literally says that he made Titanic essentially just to get the funding to go to the wreck site (and to have the funding to continue to do so decades onward). He's made 33 dives to the wreck of the Titanic.
The reason why he appears in the news is not because he wants to talk about the disaster. It's got little to nothing to do with him having made Titanic (though that is tangentially related). It's because everyone knows that he is an actual, legitimate expert on the issue of submersible engineering (as well as both diving and diving to the Titanic wreck in particular), and so they bombarded him with interview requests and requests for comment. He specifically did not respond to any such requests until after the deaths of the passengers had been confirmed, because he knew that the sub had imploded and they were all dead, and he didn't want to be insensitive and drown everyone's hopes by telling everyone that the search and rescue was pointless. Here's him on ABC News next to his friend and associate Dr. Bob Ballad, the man who discovered the wreck of the Titanic, who is probably the only other person more qualified than Cameron to talk about the recent disaster:
TL;DR: James Cameron is not being interviewed because "he made Titanic"; he's being interviewed because he's a well-known and verifiable submersible engineering and undersea expert.
icanbeyourriver
official-lauchzwiebel
Samstag Morgen. Oder wie Tagesschau es nennt:
Samstag ist für Sonnabend, was Zwo für Zwei ist
